The Dog Days…

“The Dog Days of Summer” are words often used to describe the ungodly hot and uncomfortable long days that are the unfortunate consequence of living in Texas in the summer.  For me though, those words mean something completely off the beaten path and behind a chain-linked fence.  Yes, entirely new thoughts come to mind when I hear the utterance of  “dog days,” because as it stands this summer, I’ve not only almost had no contact with humans…but I’ve spent almost all of my time with two moody, grumpy, needy and wonderful dogs.  These are my “dog days” and I hope to embrace them for as long as I can (because if I don’t change my mindset soon I will surely soon resemble a rabid dog).

You wonder why a man who is 21 years-old and full of potential would spend his days snoozing and pondering food with the likes of the best kanines this side of Lassie’s fence?  Because we’re in a recession…scratch that…because I live in a crappy town that hates Baylor kids.  Funny how there’s a give and take for everything in this life.  Yes I get to attend Baylor and get to “enjoy” the almost castleesque relationship most of student body understands is present between institution and hosting city.  Two words, “Waco Sucks.”  Not that I’m one to write of a city or people group, but my patience with what I’ve come to call home is at an all time low.  I’ve applied to nearly 15 different blue-collar, minimum wage jobs to try and save money for this coming semester and have yet to successfully find employment in this God-forsaken city.  It seems there is no hope…applications to the 16th, 17th and 18th attempt have been turned in and now I begin the all-to-familiar waiting game.

It’s July 21st…I got out of school on May 12th…I’ve currently wasted almost 3 months of my life…these my dear friend are most certainly “dog days.”

Oh when that day comes

It’s been a long hot summer, this pressure that I’m under/

Can’t make nothin’ happen, so my mind begins to wonder/

wonder, why I can’t luck up, or even get a shot/

wonder why I’m getting nothin fo givin everything I’ve got/

Times is hard, just an excuse from my lips/

Gotta stay on my grind to fill that money clip/

But my sinking ship, can’t keep out water/

With each passing day, not drowning’s gets harder/

To quit is not an option, so I struggle and I struggle/

If I have just one good day, I’m sure to bust that bubble/

I wrestle with the thought of what’s keeping me down/

Is it me? Is it you? Or could it be this town?/

To escape and run away, new air and new land/

Maybe then, I can live off the labor of my hands/

Who knows? Who cares? I’m just another jobless bum/

But I’ll be on my feet again, oh when that day comes/

Oh when that day comes/

I will walk, I will run, I will sing/

Oh when that day comes/

I’m poper, I’m a prince, I’m a king/

Oh when that day comes/

You know I’ll give it my all/

Oh when that day comes/

I’ll brush of the dirt and start walkin tall/

Time

Never will I be afraid to face tomorrow/

Cause the life I live is no more than a life I borrowed/

Each breath is a gift, and each tear a reminder/

That Time just roles with no chance to rewind her/

If I had a Rolls I still couldn’t get her on my team/

Cause money to that girl don’t mean a thing/

Independent is an understatement/

To me she seems so damn impatient/

Got to wonder if she gets lonely growing old alone?/

Got to wonder is she gets lonely cause no one’s home?/

Oh Time you’ve got me beat, but it’s not hard to see/

you’re just bitter cause you don’t feel the rush like me/

Cause tomorrow’s lost its meaning when it’s guaranteed/

I live life in the moment, something you want and need/

so you’re filled up with greed, and try to hold and control/

you’ll wish you had a friend when you get rolled like a scroll/

Let my mind wonder

It’s hard for me to be a boyfriend or a good friend in general: I’m the most suspicious person in the world.  I have a hard time trusting the people that I love the most, and have barely any trust, if any at all, for those who are not in my closet circle.  Why I have this grave personality flaw is something that I have always wondered and wished to put an end to.  How am I supposed to be able to function at all without a sense of trust?  The only character ever to be successful without trust of other people was James Bond…not real…I’m real so that won’t work for me.  Unless I all of a sudden become cold as a Siberian winter, I’ll always have these unpleasant thoughts of what I imagine is really happening in places I am not.

What may have caused this epedimic of distrust in my life?  Could it have been the outcome of being raised in a society where my very being is counter-culture in almost every way, shape and form?  I’m white…therefore I’m seen as an evil, bigoted and elitest person.  I’m a Christian…therefore everything I say must be irrational and close-minded.  I’m Southern…therefore my history is tainted and I only believe in the extreme right and live and die for the republican party.  Being fed the lie by medias of all forms that what I am is bad has made me distrust everything I hear from any type of news…because I believe what I believe on my own exploration, study and revealation, NOT what someone else tells me.  This has unfortunately seeped over into my relationships with people who are dear to me, and I don’t know how to deal with the monstrosity.

Maybe it comes from the different occasions where I’ve had my trust taken advantage of by “close” friends of mine.  Years of dissapointment may have set the stage for a lifetime of distrust as a defense mechanism against being hurt again.  Maybe I’m crazy, but atleast I’m thinking about it and making positive moves towards being a more trusting person.

So one day I’ll eventually either be a good friend, husband, father, etc….or….I’ll be a secret agent for the C.I.A.

Everyman needs a Bun B

Too Trill is an understatement when it comes to the definition of the Gangsta half of UGK.  Bun B is a man who understands undying friendship and loyalty, something that the rest of the world needs desperately.  He stood by Pimp C all throughout his incarceration, and made sure no one ever forgot his partner.  No song he was ever featured on during the time while Pimp was locked up was absent of Bun B’s testimony to staying true and real, “Free Pimp C!”  Now with Pimp C’s passing, Bun is already continuing to make sure the masses remember the other Underground King.  Long live Pimp C. It’s still UGK 4 life!

I am thankful to know that I have “Bun Bs” in my life, and that I have been like him in regards to my friends in hard times, as well as good times.  As crazy as it sounds, I am 100% sure that if I died today, there would be at least 8 men who would talk about me for the rest of their lives and make sure I was never forgotten.  A friendship has never been tested until it falls on unfortunate circumstances, and during the purging fires of the trial is when the true bond is revealed.  My boy Mat is going through hell with recovering from knee surgery, and Michael is going through a fight with CFS that I’ll never be able to understand.  All I can do is stand by my partners and make sure I tell the story of them, just like they will tell the story of me.  Brotherhood.

“Now what y’all know about these Texas boys?”

Writing and rap music…two of my favorite things.  Although I would probably be voted most likely to not enjoy rap music by people who know me on a collegiate level.  As a 20 something with a father who works with the prison system as well as a childhood strewn with encounters of the “ghetto” kind, I’ve come to be intrigued, impressed, and inspired by the struggle and motivation of the “young ghetto stars.”  A wise man once said, “most of this rap shit is just noise,” and I would have to say that no words ring more true in a watered down, money hungry, corporate corrupted rap “industry.”  Yes, making money is the basis of hit records, but when that becomes the only basis…we hear soulja boy and company, after soulja boy and whoever else garbage filling the airwaves, which leads a young man like myself to write rhymes about murder and hatred…towards his radio.

Why won’t nothen be the same?/

Since garbage reigns, it changed the game./

Just ask a lame, how rap was slain/

by empty words and lazy brains./

That boy won’t tell ya why,/

and if he tried, he’d tell a lie./

That’s all it is, that’s the biz/

making rap without a try./

I do know there still is good, there still is creativity, there still is perseverance in this rap thang.  I’m from Texas, I will love UGK 4 life (RIP the Pimp), and I will respect anyone else who strives to innovate and move the sound of rap in a progressive direction like those artists before them who knew rap was more than a dream of making millions.  Getting rich off of making dumb white girls dance in a club is bad; getting rich off of making classics that lead to the creation of more classics if good.

Do yourself a favor…go buy every UGK/Bun B and Pimp C solo album.  Listen to them, then listen to most of  what popular rappers say in their “songs”…UGK said a majority of what these new “artists” are getting rich off of repeating without a whisper of recognition or original thought.  Improving on a classic is great, butchering philosophy of the streets is blasphemy.  Stupid people, make stupid music, which other stupid people listen to, who in response make more stupid music…vicious cycle of idiocy.  That process applies in almost every aspect of life as well.  Think for yourself, make your own decisions, and do your own thing: be an individual who offers something fresh to this stale-ass world.

God Bless Texas